You know, I’ve been thinking long and hard this past week. A lot has happened. I mean it went from having sex last weekend, to saying goodbye in 2.3 seconds. But you know what? I don’t want this to be it. I’ve played games with you just as much as you did to me. And I’m personally sick of every thing that i’ve said. I was at a low point in my life. I went from wanting to kill myself, to wanting to be back with you, to hating you, to wanting to forget anything ever happed. But I was wrong for everything. I should have never done any of that, and I shouldnt have even bitched. Fuck, you aren’t even mine for crying out loud. So I don’t know why I did do any of that. Maybe it was because I was hurt.. Or maybe it was because I see that youre moving on. You were right when you said I had seperation issues that one night we were talking awhile ago. I have a lot of issues that I don’t talk about.. even to you, and I don’t want you to have to deal with them now of all times. You should have never of even started dealing with any of them in the first place. I don’t even know what you saw in me when we first started dating. I was a wreck, and still am. But atleast I have control now. Back then i’d just say fuck it. But now its more like.. eh.. deal with it. The roads long, so carry on. I want you to be in my life still, but I don’t know about anything more than friends. We’ve been through so much to just go our seperate ways, and personally I don’t know what I would do without you. I say alot of things out of anger and frustration and I regret a lot.. but you know that, or should. its all apart of that game. I don’t know if you even want to be friends, personally. Because you’re so much happier without me and stress free. And you have so many opportunites without me in the picture. You’ve grown alot, I have too. I’m not the same person you knew. I actually do stuff. I found new hobbies, that I like. AND GET PAID FOR DOING* I mean, I would have never really gotten into horses if me and you never broke up. I’m glad we did to an extent. But not in an offensive or bad way. But a good way because we’re growing for the better. I mean, you have a lot of friends now. And I have alot of horses to tend to. To keep me busy. I regret the breakup, but it was bound to happen and you knew it was coming. You know, Now that I think back.. We did have alot of good memories. Like disney world, valentines day, those dates, christmas’s, thanksgiving’s, The times when we were alone and just being there together, not talking. Just enjoying each others company. We had a good run. And I don’t want it to end just because we broke up. You took the break up easier then me, I’m pretty sure. You had people to rely on at any second of the day. I didn’t. Unfortunetly. But thats why I got so good at what I do. Yeah, I miss you. In more ways then one. But I do not expect you to miss me at all. Not after everything thats happened. I shouldnt be missing you now either but I do. I mean, whats the point of missing someone thats moved on from you? theres no point. But I can get over it in time. I’m only causing problems most of the time, but thats because I’m jealous. I’m jealous of all the girls you talk to all the time because i’m no longer one of them, or the only one. I’m just jealous is all. I can quickly get over it though. I can do me, and you can do you. Like we’ve been doing. I’m just rambling on and on, but what i’m trying to say is I want to be friends. I want to be that person you go to. I want to be the girl you look at and say yeah, I love her. To all your friends. I want to be the girl that you go to with all your problems. I want to be the girl you talk to all the time. I want to be the girl you get high with because its fun. I want to be the crazy fun person you want to hangout with. I want to be the girl in your life that even if we arent dating, im still there. I want to be the girl in your stories about all your firsts. I want to be the person in your life, that you dont want to lose, ever. Sometimes love isnt enough to make everything better, but the road is long and we carry on. I dont want to lose you, and then 40 years later we’re like your parents. We could have been good the whole time. I’m sorry i’m so bad with people, I’m sorry that I can’t make you happy every second of the day. I’ve been so lost, but i’m finding myself. I’m trying to make myself better before I bring anyone else into this mess. I’ve cried enough about what i’ve lost, and what I did. I’m just so sorry you put up with me for so long. I understand why you yelled because I was fucking retarded. I should have had more trust in you, but I couldnt because I was so insecure. I was unsure of myself mainly. I should just sit back, smoke a blunt, and just not give a fuck about all that shit. I’m not asking for forgiveness, because I know you can’t forgive me for wasting your time with all the arguing. I’m asking for you to give me another chance, not in a relationship, but for friendship. Because I know, if we ever did “forget” about each other.. we would regret every second of it. I don’t know why i’m rambling still, but I do want you to know two things, I love you with every fiber of my being still even if you dont feel the same way about me, & if you ever need anything i’m always here for you. even if im mad. :/ i hope you have something to say back to this..